caddying 101

as the wife of a golfer you would expect that i am a wealth of golf knowledge. surprisingly this is not true. so when i agreed to caddy for scott while he played in a tourney this last weekend i was a tad nervous (which obviously i did not show) so i thought it best to do a small post of my new found golfing knowledge for those of you who might find yourself in this terribly long, hot & confusing situation.

1.  it is VERY important to stock the golf bag properly.
when you are stuck for over four hours, watching 4 guys hit balls (spitting on balls, rubbing balls, rearranging balls, eyeing their balls from several different angles...) and you have no idea what is going on.. it is essential to have snacks.
when you pack those snacks it is also important to get a variety. being a chocolate lover i thought a nice kit kat would work. it didn't. it melted, had to be eaten quickly & it was bloody hot.
day two i learned: apples, water, skittles, peanuts. a nice variety is key.
along with snacks carmex & a cellular device (due to previously stated boredom, due to previously stated ignorance)

2.  know the course. had i had time to prepare it would have been best for me to load a few of my kids onto a wagon and drag them up and down the Duke of Southerland hill in order to prepare my feet/calves/hips & arms for the laborious task of pushing a 40 pound golf bag, plus cart, for 4.5-6.5 hours a day. i may be little... but i am most definitely NOT in shape.

3.  greens/fairway/rough:  let this be a lesson. the rough is long tall grass. not ideal for pushing  a cart on. in fact it is awful and exhausting and always choose the path. this may not be the case in the prairies where land is flat. but in the land of many hills.. the rough is not your friend.  the fairway is less rough than the rough and is more a friend of the cart and is the ideal height for my yard lawn, although i have a feeling that's not going to happen. the greens are NOT the friend of your cart. do not push the cart onto the green. don't even go close to it b/c your husband who lacks a bit of faith in your knowledge of "green etiquette" gets a tad nervous if those giant wheels appear to be going the wrong way. *this lack of faith could definitely be due to my lack of knowledge BUT it could also be due to my inability to drive a cart straight for more than 5 seconds at a time.*

4.  talking. this was a tough one as i knew nothing about golf and had many questions. but its hard to know the right time. how long do they concentrate? you can't open a kit kat while they are looking and concentrating.. less okay than the whisper and causes a few dirty looks. talking on the fairway proved to be the best area. talking whilst waiting many minutes for team ahead proves also to be acceptable. talking after a bad ball is hit usually proves to be okay if slightly inappropriate golf talk comes into play.

5.  divots. i never quite figured out the caddy's job when it came to divots. sometimes i would grab them, flip & stomp, but mostly i let scott do it b/c seriously.. way too much walking involved. on a positive note unlike julia roberts in pretty woman, there were no steaming divots. for which i was extremely grateful.

6. geese. know your location. apparently the vancouver area is home to a LOT of geese. although i should be more familiar with seagull poop, i am not. but now i am quite knowledgeable in goose poo. and lots of it. so while there were no steaming divots i did see plenty of goose poo... some that looked like perhaps the goose had a case of steaming diarrhea at one point or another. sick and wrong. and very hard to avoid in large quantities!

7. snacks part 2. this actually goes along with knowing your vacation. these beautiful courses were lush with BLACKBERRY BUSHES! the first day i was too afraid to eat them in fear of being stuck on the golf course with berry-gone-bad illness. how am i to know all berry bushes are safe?? so i refrained from eating.. second and third day though? i ate to my heart content. handfuls of blackberries. blackberry on my fingers, blackberries on my shirt (not that golf "etiquettey" of me, my bad) handfuls and handfuls of blackberries. by the time the days were done i was an expert as to the perfect berry! deeelish.

8.  bathroom breaks. brace yourself. if you are pregnant or have the bladder the size of a strawberry (plum perhaps?) it is best to not indulge in several bottles of water after eating peanuts. there are only 2 choices. to wait til the 9th hole or to run back down a course searching for the clubhouse which is probably in the opposite direction that you are heading. one time.. that's all you got, and it takes approximately 2 hours to get there. drinks are not your friend. unless of course you are a man and can zip, pull, pee, tuck & rezip in approximately 2 minutes without a shred of skin showing where it shouldn't.

there you have it.. those are my tips & hard lessons learned after approximately 17 hours on a golf course over 3 days. that being said.. i did enjoy myself & it was a pleasure to seriously watch my husband golf for the first time.

i have a couple more delightful vancouver posts for your reading pleasure... sometime.